New Rule: If you are crossing the street while talking on a cellphone, I get to run you over and kill you with impunity.

It's not my fault if you decide to walk out into the middle of the street without deciding to first check to make sure there isn't a 3,000 pound hunk of metal bearing down on you, being driven by some total moron who's texting his bro about last night while trying to light a smoke. See that hard white stuff over there next to the buildings? That's called a sidewalk, people walk on that and typically cars do not drive there and when they do they will generally yield to you. Now, look over there, see that big area that's colored black and has motorized vehicles moving around on it? That part is called a street.If you should decide to walk around in the street for some reason it would be in your best interest TO NOT FUCKING WALK IN FRONT OF THE CARS!!! IF YOU DO YOU MIGHT DIEEEE!!! GOT IT? This reminds me, for reasons I'll let you determine, of the time I was at Yosemite and this French Guy just stopped his car in the middle of the parking lot, not in a parking space, blocking traffic, and went into the store, leaving his non English speaking 8 year old son in the car to deal with all the pissed off people who were now stuck in the parking lot. Fortunately dad left the keys in the car and it wasn't long before one of the Ugly Americans had talked little Henri LeBlanc into starting the car and driving it over to an available handicapped spot. Miraculously he made it unscathed and I decided it would be worth my time to stick around and watch what happens when Papa LeBlanc came out of the store with his Half Dome T-shirt and his Yosemite Snow Globe to find that little Henri and the car were not where he left them! I'd tell you what they said but I can't speak French.It was pretty funny regardless.
So,anyway, if you don't want to get hit by a moving car, don't walk in front of one.

Leave Your Fucking Dog at Home

I like animals,I really do, allthough I would have to admit my tollerance for them has lowered since I started having kids( I have a finite amount of love and compassion in my heart and my wife and kids get first dibs).Now,I have to say, I've officially had it up to my goddamn eyebrows with people bringing their stupid fucking dogs to the grocery store, the restaurant, the farmers market, your place of employment, the movie theater, the baseball game, the bathroom, the gym, MY HOUSE!! , the church, the temple, the synogauge, the mosque, the clearing in the forrest where you do your whacked out pagan rituals, etc....
Your dog is not a person, it's not a child, it's a dog.It's an animal.
I don't think it's the cutest thing everah!!! when your little mongrol runs up to me and starts licking me.
I don't want to hear you tell me that he's frendly! and he doesn't bite! teh he!! when your pitbull runs up to me and my three (human) kids at the park.
They are animals. They don't communicate with you,they don't love you, they don't sense it when you are feeling blue, they are just pleased that you chose to keep them alive by feeding and sheltering them.If you stopped doing those things they would bite your foot off to fill their cute little bellies.
If you can't leave your dog at home because little "sprinkles" will chew up the new sofa, then you either invest in some dog obidience classes or you don't buy a new couch, but you don't drag that little monster out into public.
Zack Galifianakis was the forensic pathologist,Davis,on Tru Calling? WOW!! I totally loved that show! Jason Priestley killed as the devil, or, whatever.
So, to summerize,leave your fucking dog at home.